


Tommy's cakes

by nervousbakedown



Category: Crooked Media RPF
Genre: Dialogue, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-07
Updated: 2019-02-07
Packaged: 2019-10-23 17:19:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17687663
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nervousbakedown/pseuds/nervousbakedown
Summary: Kara, Ira, and Louis have another chat about their biggest fan.





	Tommy's cakes

“We’re absolutely cutting this, but,” Louis starts, sits back from his microphone a bit and covers it with two hands. “Does Tommy know we’re talking about his ass?”

“Louis!” Kara and Ira yell at the same time. Kara takes her headphones off and covers her face, while Ira leans back in his chair and looks at the ceiling.

“What?” Louis asks, “Tommy must know we’re not advocating for him to become a baker. We’re talking about his ass.”

“Tommy’s pretty hip for a dorky white dude,” Kara says, “he knows what ‘cake’ means.”

Ira stares at Louis wide-eyed. “Yeah, he’s heard the Rihanna song!” 

“Okay, just making sure,” Louis crosses his arms. 

At the producer’s deck, Corinne laughs and yells, “We’re taking a break!”

After she leaves the room, Kara, Ira, and Louis take a moment to collect their thoughts and try to get themselves together.

Ira’s voice drops in volume as he looks between Kara and Louis on either side of him. “I can’t believe how big it is.”

Kara looks up from her phone. “What?”

“Tommy’s ass!”

Kara laughs and covers her face with her hands. “God, it _is_ huge.”

“Especially in those basic khaki pants,” Louis takes a sip of coffee.

“I wanna smack it!” Ira admits, clapping his hands together.

“He’d probably be like ‘thank you so much, Ira,’” Louis does his best, still pretty bad Tommy impression.

“We need to get him some tight jeans,” Kara says.

“God, Kara, do you want Louis to have a stroke?”

“You’re the one who would have a stroke, stop projecting! Last time we interviewed him, whenever we were done and he did that boyish wave and walked away, I think I watched your brain short-circuit.”

“I did have several impure thoughts,” Ira recalls.

“I’m so buying him a pair of tight jeans,” Kara smirks.

“And then what? You instruct him to wear them on a Tuesday when we’re here, Ira finds a way to slap his ass that isn’t workplace sexual harrassment, and then proceeds to faint.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Kara says. 

“Literally why is that straight boy so cute?” Ira gestures with his hands. “Like, Favreau is fine, but why does everyone think he’s so hot? He doesn’t have Tommy-level cake!”

“Or Tommy-level dorkiness,” Kara adds.

“That’s it, that’s the whole thing — a dorky, emotive personality in a basic boyish beefcake,” Louis explains.

“Don’t forget how he’s so self-effacing and constantly needs our approval,” Kara adds. She grins. “That’s the part I like.”

Ira casually looks at his phone. “And his butt.”

“And his butt,” Kara sighs.

“Great arms, too. Great shoulders,” Louis says. “Ugh, this is getting out of hand.”

Corinne comes back into the studio. Ira, Kara, and Louis look in her direction and notice she’s talking, looking behind her as she walks. 

“Someone wants to say hi,” Corinne says with a smile. Tommy walks into view, waving and smiling at the three sitting at the microphones.

“Hey guys!” Tommy says.

Kara, Ira, and Louis stare at him a few moments, mouths agape in shock, as if talking about Tommy had summoned him. Once they’re over the shock, they can’t help but smile.

“Hi, Tommy!” all three shout.


End file.
